How to Build Your EQ
Become more self aware.
How have you been since my last letter to you? How’s life treating you? How’s July? It’s almost coming to an end, so excited!!! July has been a calm month, and I’m hoping it ends with even much more beautiful memories.
I pondered for a while—what should I share with you today? It can be a lot to write, you know, but here I am writing to you because you are special to me and you need to read this.
So let me share some interesting thoughts about a particular quotient: Emotional Intelligence (EQ). I don’t know why some people feel once they have the other quotients, they’re good to go. That’s not something to be comfortable in—for the life we live, you will meet people with different personalities, and for good communication skills and relationships, you have to understand their emotions and read the room too.
Someone like me—I am very emotional, so when speaking to me, you have to be very careful with the words you say. And I am very sure there are many people like me out there who are feelers, who easily read your emotions before you even say it.
This just takes me back to the day of my thanksgiving. So, my makeup got ruined because I had cried a bit, and then thankfully, my friend was still getting ready, so I stopped by her makeup artist. And this lady was so emotionally intelligent, she immediately noticed something was wrong and she asked me if I was good. And thank God I was truthful to myself, I told her I wasn’t. What I’m trying to say is—she didn’t just brush off that I wasn’t fine; she asked, cared, and offered help.
Some people don’t have that intelligence at all. Even a random text message, or checking to know how the person is doing, they just don’t think that far or try to put themselves in the other party’s shoes to know how they’re feeling. I was once like that—always concerned about me, myself, and I. But honestly, it didn’t take me far. And thank God for self-awareness, which helped me to gradually get out of that and build my EQ.
I don’t want you thinking building your EQ is of no importance. That’s why I’ll share with you practical ways to do that.
How do you build emotional intelligence:
Look out for when you’re very emotional. Look at the patterns or behaviors to your triggers. (You can’t control the things that happen to you, but you can control the way you respond to them.) Reflect on them and ask yourself if there’s a way I could’ve handled it better.
Respond, not react. When something is triggered, try texting in person. Take a minute, bring yourself to a neutral mindset before giving a response. (Neutral: gratitude mindset, write or walk.)
Understand that everyone is going through something, so never take anything personal.
Learn to give people the benefit of doubt. Give people grace.
Not every problem needs your solution. Learn to read the mood. Sometimes people just want to vent—just be aware of what they want. Figure out what people need.
Learn to understand non-verbal communication (55% body language, 30% tone of voice).
Always try to picture being in their shoes so you can relate and know how to act, and what to say.
I hope this letter helps you in one way or the other. Remember, don’t be too hard on yourself. Building your EQ takes time, so as you’re giving others grace, learn to give yourself grace too.
Still here.
Still hoping.
Still rooting for you.
With love always,
Rejiwritess.
A lot of people need to read this